I miss the man I was with you

Listen just hear my me out ....

Gusto ko lang sabihin ... feeling ko karapatan ko to ...

may nagtanong sa akin ... (sarili ko)

Anong pinaka masakit na sinabi sayo ng isang tao ...

sabi ko ... "hinde" ... yun ang pinaka masakit na sinabi sa akin ng isang tao ....

Scenario:

Hindi ako: Mahal mo ba sya ?

Taong mahal ni ako: Hinde !!!

pero alam ni "Hindi ako" na hindi yun totoo ...

Isang katototohanan na pinilit na maging tama

Isang bagay, na naging isang pagkakamali, ngunit naging tama pa rin

Isang bagay na naging pamantayan ... ng lahat na kayang gawin ng isang tao sa isang taong nagmamahal ...

I will never be the same

sabi ng kaibigan ko ....

ang lahat ng taong nagmahal ng totoo at nasaktan

ay magbabago kahit ayaw nila ...

napagod na akong umiyak

napagod na ako ... napagod na akong saktan ni ako ...

I miss the man I was ... with you

And I will never be ... the same ...

Pano kung ???

Grabe dami kong narinig ngayon ... tungkol sa work and everything ....

ang worth ilagay dito ....

Paano kung !! ??

its not ideal na mangyari ... pero ... paano kung !! ??

paano kung yung mahal mo ng sobra ... eh nagmahal ng iba (ginandahan ko na lang yung term kasi ... puro sex yung usapan ... in fairness use your imagination)

sinabi ko na lang basta mahal mo ... mahal mo ...

sabi nung kasama ko .... basta para mawala yung sakit maiintindihan nung isa yung ginawa mo ... kasi nasaktan ka nga ...

tagal ko ng gustong marinig yun sa isang tao, ngayon ko lang narinig .... kung kelan lahat na ng ginagawa ko eh tama ...

regarding discrimination, they are not really discriminate, they only know that Im a funny guy and I know more that what I am saying, which is actually true but with some flaws ....

I was never the bad guy (in my opinion) ... I never .... ever ... did anything that would involve another person ...

pakshet, minsan na nga lang ako mangdamay ng ibang tao nanakit pa ako .... hindi ko sya dinamay dahil gusto ko .... akala ko lang kasi .... kaya on that note ... wala akong karapatan maging tao .... nakasakit ako ng taong inosente ....

ang sama ko ... pero inisip ko ... sino masmasama ... yung taong pumindeho sa akin dati oh ako??? .... feeling ko pa rin ako .... kasi alam ko ginagawa ko ... I calculated everything and i mean everything .... but everything came shit eniweiz ....

Sa ngayon .... I'm queit, content and at peace .... looking at myself at the mirror ... im not perfect .... but i'm ... not sad ... if i'm not sad ... (well) ... then I am happy ....

I think I will not be able to teach this to my child ... these things have to be installed thoroughly .... nothing helps me more in my day to day activities than my schedule ... .... ....

I hope nothing else goes wrong ... I just hope that if something goes wrong, then it should happen to me ... because I deserve it ... I'm a prick ... I'm ignorant ... I'm worthless ... I'm .... not a person in general .... I'm just an obstacle on one's life ...

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I am me ....

lasing ako

eto yung panahon na na dapat sabihin ko lahat

lasing ako ...

kasma na pati sarili ko .....

hindi AKO KASING SAYA NG DATI

pero isang babae lang mahal ko ...

isang babae lang ang nagparamdam sa akin kung bakit hindi ako dapat mabuhay

pero yun g taong yun ang dahilamn lung bkt ako buhay ....

MAHAL KITA .... kahit ano mangyari .... mahal kita .... sinayang ko ang buhay ko para lang malaman yun ....

sana wag mo kong sabayan .... dahil ako mau issues ... pero ikaw wala ..... or hindi ko alam ....

STONE ...

Everything is a blur ...

as the day passes by ... my feelings ... wither ...

I was king before ... now Im just a pawn ...

I believe being a king was not meant for me ...

I guess I have to work my way to the finish line again ... in order for me to increase my rank ...

As I look back ... I was a lot different before ...

But I guess reminiscing will just hurt me more ... like what I was before ... hurt ...

I miss my music ... I miss what I was before ...

now I will just be a video-oke singing has been ...

I lave now no respect for myself ... survival will be ... my only focus ...

are we suppose to focus on anything else ??

Every night I sleep late thinking of what things are supposed to be ...

Everything has its own purpose ...

If everything has a purpose then everything is supposed to fall into place ...

then if everything is supposed to fall into place because it is their purpose ... then is there need for our free will to decide which goes which ...

My life is in fast forward ... does it have to be that way ??

have I exhausted everything in me thats why Im just waiting for things to come ??

I have no sense ... all questions ... no answers ...

I hope the song running in my head is not trying to mock me

"Its too late baby now its too late... though we really did try to make it"

I need to come up with something ... and fast ...

PHEONIX

When I was young I wanted to be a superhero ...

As I grew older I found out that it was impossible for me to get superhuman powers so I tried to learn other things other than saving people ...

I learned that helping a little would make a big difference ...

but then again as I grew older I understood that you can not save everyone ...

then I learned that the only time you would make a significance is when something changed drastically ...

then I learned small things can also do that ...

I grew older, I helped others as much as I can ...

but then again ... If a hero managed to help others ... but not the people who are important to them ... he then develops a villain within him that distorts not only himself but logic and truth itself ...

Its kinda funny how things change through time and experience

A good friend of mine told me something very true but disturbing

When you were young you tell yourself ... its bad to lie ... be honest at all times ...

As you grow older ... its not that bad to lie ... just don't lie to the people you love ... and then you grew older again ... you understood things ... and now ... you can be dishonest as long as it doesn't hurt ...

A lot of things change ... and they change every second ... its a cycle we cannot change ...

we light up ... we burn ... we soar ... we cry and shout as loud as we can ... we burn our brightest and then we wither and then we turn into ashes ... what we just need is a spark to go back at the beginning ...

FAST FORWARD

Everything right now is in fast forward.

Everything is plain and what is supposed to be.

Though I am not asking for something different

Hell, this is actually what I wanted it to be ...

Im stuck in a place where everything is about the rules ...

Im supposed to be working thinking of what I am supposed to do

be of help to what I belong to, thinking of the people around me ...

doing what is right and doing ... just doing ... without thinking ... because it is what is SUPPOSED TO BE ...

FAST FORWARD ... AUTO MODE ... (came from the movie "click")

I like that term ... its some sort of excuse to be ... normal ... and not to be the person I am allowed to be ...

I am now in the point in my life where I left everything behind me ... though in the past ... there is only one thing I have ... myself ...

I was adventurous

I was decisive

I disregard what is normal

I was creative

I was passionate

I was IN LOVE

I was in control

I was ... a different man ...

Though those were the positive things I had, I also wanted to take note that before ...

I was in pain ...

I was in doubt ...

I was in tears ...

I was distrustful ...

I was ... HURT ...

the only way ... for me to live ... was to be a different person ...

I miss the old me ...

Why do we have might have beens ...

If I was just knowledgeable before and more understanding ... It should not have come to this ... If I were a lot more like today then i would not regret my actions before ... maybe that is how life is ... I don't know ... Its really frustrating ... Now I'm racing with time, thinking that I should have been better if I was a lot better than before ... If that is the case then are my views of the past make me a lesser person than what I am right now ...

My ego says ... I should not compare today than yesterday ... because I'm greater right now because the past is my teacher and I actually learned and I learned a lot ... But if I learned a lot then how come i have regrets in the past?? the past is the reason why I am great right now ... then how come if I think of the past I can imagine how happier I am right now ...

Of course we do not know what will happen if in case we change the past ... and attempting to change it will just create a butterfly effect ... but how come emptiness is there ... is it really just like that, you feel empty when you are too busy or too bummed out ... do I always need to feel empty every time I look at the smoky horizon ... Am I making sense of myself or am I making nonsense in order for me to see the sense in it ...

How come greatness is only achieved by chance and not hard work ... and how come greatness is being recognized by popularity and not sincerity ... these are harsh words and debatable but these are truths in a society that seldom thinks. I am turning to be one of them ... I don't like it but do I have a choice ...

Is this the truth or ... am I sleepy ...