Why do we have might have beens ...

If I was just knowledgeable before and more understanding ... It should not have come to this ... If I were a lot more like today then i would not regret my actions before ... maybe that is how life is ... I don't know ... Its really frustrating ... Now I'm racing with time, thinking that I should have been better if I was a lot better than before ... If that is the case then are my views of the past make me a lesser person than what I am right now ...

My ego says ... I should not compare today than yesterday ... because I'm greater right now because the past is my teacher and I actually learned and I learned a lot ... But if I learned a lot then how come i have regrets in the past?? the past is the reason why I am great right now ... then how come if I think of the past I can imagine how happier I am right now ...

Of course we do not know what will happen if in case we change the past ... and attempting to change it will just create a butterfly effect ... but how come emptiness is there ... is it really just like that, you feel empty when you are too busy or too bummed out ... do I always need to feel empty every time I look at the smoky horizon ... Am I making sense of myself or am I making nonsense in order for me to see the sense in it ...

How come greatness is only achieved by chance and not hard work ... and how come greatness is being recognized by popularity and not sincerity ... these are harsh words and debatable but these are truths in a society that seldom thinks. I am turning to be one of them ... I don't like it but do I have a choice ...

Is this the truth or ... am I sleepy ...