confused for all time

I have no idea what to do, the anger is there and also the pain ... especially the pain ... i just dont know what to do ... as she have told me, im just going in circles ... that is true ... im not being logical, being a logical person i am, I am not being rational right now, im being selfish in a way, very selfish ... maybe its because of the pain, and what goes with the pain is the anger ... i just dont know ... some times i just feel silent and just think of the same thing over and over again ... Sometimes there are things that we need to do, and some time opportunities are meant to be, just like fate or death ( hehehe, hangover of final destination )

I know I am not that great of a person, i am very flawed and i am very incomplete and yet what haoppened is so devastating, and now those chances of me being complete are very slim ... I always look at a small child always, in my brain, its telling me that having a son or daughter will bring me happiness, but will it bring me happiness???

Sometimes i really have trouble of making good choices or decision, most of the time it comes up being shitty, or sometimes i tjust blow up of my face. literally ...

Its just unfair to keep on crying, i know its unfair ... I know i deserve to be happy ... But sometimes i just think about this ... Am I really not happy or do I just choose to be sad ???