The Gardener

This is a story a friend told me that i will never forget ...

There was a gardener he was about to get married and then he asked his " amo " (I dont know the english of amo eh ang baho kasi ng boss eh ). The Gardener asked his "amo" if he could get married. The "amo" said ... "Pick the most beautiful flower in this garden and then give to your bride". The Gardener quite excited started to search for the most beautiful flower in the garden. She stumbled into a very beautiful flower, telling by the looks of his face she was startled by the appearance, the color was beautiful the stem, the smel, everything as if it was almost perfect.

But then again he was quite hesitant and skeptical he said ... "This garden is so large and I haven't searched the whole garden yet". He left the flower and searched the entire garden.

Did You know what happened next ...

He came back to his "amo" with nothing ...

Moral of the story ... Well You can figure it out ...

Dude, if your reading i will never forget this story ... I will pass this on to my children and make sure that this story will have its legacy ... thanks for everything

Pain

It hurts to be alone ...

I cant stand the pain ... Ang hirap, nampucha ...

Bakit kelangang wala akong tiwala sa kanya ... nung sinabi ba nya na alam na nya ang gagawin kapag may lumalapit sa kanya, ang ibig bang sabihin nun, hindi na nya sasabihin sa akin para hindi ako masaktan ???

Hanggang saan ba ang hangganan ng pagsisinungaling ...

Naintindihan ko yung point ng isa kong nakausap, na kaya lang magsisinungaling ang isang tao eh para walang gulo, sinabi ko sa kanya, hindi mo ba alam na kapag nalaman na nagsisinungaling sya eh masmalaki ang gulo ... ang sabi nya, "its a risk she is willing to take" ...

Risk ... in anyway, lying is not that good, walang niidulot na maganda ang pagsisinungaling pero the truth hurts ... so isipin mo, saan ka lulugar ...

Im not lying when i told her i love her, i love her now and i love her still ... i will love her forever ... and that is where the pain begins ... because i know she is not lying too .. i hope so ...

I jsut want to believe in the facts that we will be able to do this, i want to be in peace and i want to settle down more than any person would know ... But i know i have a lot of work to do ...
I have been working with my logic, but it jsut hurts ... it really hurts ...

Alam ko na dapat akong magtiwala ... but the pain is working spontaneously now, that's why i needed the space

hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin ... nagagalit ako ... at hindi ko alam kung bakit ... siguro dahil sawang sawa na akong umiyak ... ayoko ng umiyak ... kaya galit ang nangingibabaw ...

ayoko ng magalit pero wala akong magawa ... natatakot na ako sa nangyayari sa akin ... ayoko na ng ganito ... hindi na ako si rolan na logical magisip, hindi na ako si rolan na hahayaang masaktan ang sarili nya para lang magkaron ng peace of mind ... hindi na ako si rolan ... hindi na ako si rolan ...

Truth ...

What is the truth ... up until now, i cannot trust her ...

i know its my fault now, but I cant help it, everytime I think about it, It always bring me to tears ...

I cannot trust her again, I will never believe her again ... How ...

The truth, something i do believe in, something that can never be changed and something so important to me than anything else ...

Truth ... I lived my whole life through lies and deceit and the reason i chos emy partner is because even though everything goes wrong i will still know the truth ... but i guess i was wrong ...

I hate myself ... why ... because I always believe ... I always beleieved that everything was alright, i always believed that there was nothing going on ... how about now ... how would you know that nothing is wrong ... you kinow right now that everything is wrong ... shes telling she is already proving it .. is it true or is it a lie ???

Lies, all lies that what i have ... How would you able to know the truth ... if the only thing I am believeing are the lies ... How can I know that your true ...

Dead Man Walking

I am the loneliest person right now, friends are by my side, but nobody ever seems to understand the state i am having right now, i thought of someone to talk to but it seems like she is too busy to be with me ...

I was crying before i went to sleep, then again, tears flowed first though my eyes until i was tired and dont have the energy to open my eyes anymore and then went to sleep...

I was the loneliest person alive this afternoon, I wanted to hold somebody but i cant, i wanted to talk to somebody but i cant, i wanted to feel somebody but i cant, all thing that was left inside me is the coldness of my pain, now the pain is crawling up my spine and through my chest, all of the heartaches that i felt for the past few months are now getting stronger and stronger and now that i am alone ... i just dont know what to do ...

I dont know what i have inside me right now, is it anger ??? , is it pain ??? ... i dont know ... i just feel cold ... i just feel cold ...

I cant smile taht much right now, i cannot shout it out since i dont want anybody to know ... I want to be strong but when i am alone i just crumble at my feet and i want this feeling to go away but i have to do this .. i have to be alone ... i have to sad ... i have to be in pain ... I have to learn ...

The End of the beginning is the END

Bakit ganon, bakit ka nagsinungaling, wala ka na lang ibang ginawa kundi sabihan mo ako ng hindi totoo, bakit kaya ganon, malaki ba ang hinihingi ko, ang gusto ko lang naman malaman eh ang katotohanan, kung ipinagkakait mo yun sa akin, edi hindi mo ako mahal, kung hindi mo ako mahal ... ano ako sa buhay mo ...

Mahal mo ko, yan ang sabi mo, pero bakit mo hindi sinasabi sa akin lahat, wala kang kasalanan sa nangyari, alam mo bang ganun din ang nangyari nun una tayong naghiwalay, ang kinaibahan lang ngayto eh, nadelay lang ng 5 buwan bago ko nalaman ...

Nagsinungaling ka pa rin, hindi ka nagkamaling minsan, lagi mong ginagawa yun, pagpalagay na natin na wala nga sya para sayo (which i doubt) ... hindi mo pa rin sa akin sinabi ang totoo ...

Ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, hindi ko na mintindihan ang lahat, gusto kong makasama ka pero alam kong hindi ko kaya ... hindi kita kayang mahalin ng ganito ... hindi kita kayang mahalin kasi nasira na ang lahat ...

Our Idea of starting over was not a good Iidea, the true meaning of starting over was accepting the facts and accepting whoe we are ... I haven't accepted the things you have done ... I dont know why, maybe because this is the first time i have felt the feeling ... the feeling of being cheated ...

I dont know what will happen, I promised to come back but when i come do you promise that you will stay where you are ... I dont want to be optimistic, i was optimistic before about our relationship but now, we are now apart, i told you that i will be coming back, i will go back to you eventually but i hope you'll still be there ...

Gusto kong tumakas, gustong kong tumakas muna sa lahat ng ingay, lahat ng sakit, lahat ng paghihirap na meron ako ngayon, gusot kong magkaron ng kahit konting katahimikan ... parang ang gulo gulo ng buhay ko ngayon, walang segundo ang hindi ako umiyak, hindi ako nasakatan at hindi naghihirap ...

Feeling ko ubos na ang bodily fluids ko pero hala sige, iyak pa rin, meron pa rin lumalabas ... dati ang sabi ko iiyak ko na lang lahat hanggat merong lumalabas na luha sige iyak ko lang pero bakit ganon, ang tagal na nun ah, bakit hanggang ngayon, meron pa rin ...

Paulit ulit na lang ako, wala na akong ibang ginawa sa buhay ko kundi ang maging malungkot, naasar na nga ako sa sarili ko eh, paulit ulit na lang, wala ng katapusan na pagsisi sa kanya, pagsisi sa akin, pagtanong sa diyos kung anong dapat gawin ... hindi pa ba ako nagsasawa ??? pero bakit ganon ... masakit pa rin ...

Bakit sa bawat iyak ko, ganon pa rin ang nararamdaman ko, bakit bawat iyak ko, nandun pa rin yung bagay na kumikirot sa dibdib ko, yung bagay na nakakapagpaalala sa akin na nagiisa lang ako, kahit katabi ko sya, at kahit nga nakangiti akong katabi nya, bigla na lang akong lilingon sa malayo at magpapapatak ng isang luha tapos lingon ulit na may masayang ngiti ...

In fairness mahirap yun ah ...

Tears ...

the title speaks for itself ... It is so god damn cold here, i dont know if its just me or im just emty iside, looking at myself at the mirror horrors me and it gives me the chills, i never imagined that i'm gonna see myself this broken, shattered for life because of the pain being inflicted by the "so-called" heart and the promised love that is never true ...

"PAIN" ... a four letter letter word that signifies a four letter word also called "HURT" ... and ultimate pain can also achieved by having this four leter word call "LOVE" ... too much love with pain will conlude to a four letter word call "LOST" ... and the only thing that you can do is this four letter word call "HOPE" that this pain will go away ...